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Article written by Christoph while I try to remember… things.

Capcom loves their fans and proved that fact with the release of MegaMan 9. With the classic MegaMan revival a success, they now bring us MegaMan 10, which will prove to be another success. The game follows the same usual conventions in it’s choice of eight robot-masters and then Wily Castle stages as well as the usual story of these games (either Wily is bad or something else is happening and ultimately Wily is bad). MM10 features new things like mission-like challenges, different difficulties, and the inclusion of ProtoMan right off the bat (not as DLC like in MM9), but it is also full of it’s nostalgic music, graphics, and difficulty.

In the year 20XX, everything was swell until the robot sickness, Roboenza begins its breakout. This wouldn’t be a problem unless it actually involved our beloved Rock Man, so his dear sister Roll gets down with the sickness. Eight of the infected robots around the world begin causing trouble. That’s when Dr. Wily barges in claiming he has a “medicine-making machine” and that these robots took the parts to his deus-ex machina. MegaMan then proceeds to go save the world. The story gets dumber along the way and I’ll let you find out how Dr. Wily fucks himself on this one (the old man must have Alzheimer’s disease.) Hearing that ol’ MegaMan needs help, his brother ProtoMan drops by to say that for some reason MegaMan isn’t able to do this by himself and so the brother work together. The stories for the two barely differ, but the important thing is that the story sucks and is not the story of how Zero is born, kills everyone, and sets the stage for MegaMan X. It doesn’t happen, so clearly Capcom isn’t done whoring out classic MegaMan yet (expect to see MM11 in the next 2 years).

The game is hard. Harder than MM9, at least, because of a few reasons. For one, the boss weapons need to be used in a specific manner to make them effective against the bosses (for example, the boss who is weak to the Commando Bomb will not be damaged by being hit with the bomb itself, but rather being hit by the bomb’s explosion). Another thing that adds to the difficulty is harder mini-bosses and longer Wily stages. These can get frustrating on your first play-through of the game, but in the future I’m sure they won’t be so bad. The game delivers top-of-the-line quality in it’s gameplay and that is what matters. It’s difficult for the right reasons. Not because of bad controls or cheap tactics. There is a proper solution to everything.

If you can’t handle the normal difficulty then Capcom is ready to hand you your yellow t-shirt, you coward. Easy Mode comes available from the start if you feel that you need experience before attempting the Normal Mode. It is incredibly simple, however. I may be biased because I’ve played through the game once before trying Easy, but if you have any skill in MegaMan you shouldn’t have much trouble. Pitfalls are covered up, there are less enemies, stronger enemies lose some of their attacks, and even bosses become slower, weaker, and easier to kill. I didn’t even have to use a continue (which was a nice and easy way to get the challenge achievement for beating the game without using a continue). I honestly felt insulted at times with the difficulty, as the game often threw those odd pin-wheel shaped items from MegaMan 1 at me that always gave me full health. If you would feel insulted by this too, then you’re in luck. Those who beat the Normal difficulty are rewarded with a HARD difficulty. Trust me, it’s called Hard Mode for a purpose.

The game features time-attack like before, though now you can attach a replay of your speed-runs to the leaderboard if you make it on there so that the world can see just how it’s possible for you to be so awesome. There are 3 blank spaces for the Time-Attack stages so it’s easy to assume there are going to be 3 more DLC stages. If you don’t like being rushed but still want a challenge, the Challenges mode is where you want to go. Like before in MM9 you get a list of achievements under “Challenges 2,” but a new mission mode lies under “Challenges 1″. After you beat the game you unlock these challenges that ask you to do something. You pick a challenge, which could be anything from defeating Wily’s final boss form to running from point A to point B, and then you get sent to a small stage built specifically for the challenge. Some of these are easy, and some of these will have you trying to beat it over and over again. It’s a fun addition to the game to be sure.

The game is also the first in the classic series to include three playable characters: MegaMan, ProtoMan, and Bass. While Bass is only available in the form of DLC that will become available in April, the other two are accessible from the start. MegaMan plays like he does in the original two games: just a plain buster with no fancy tricks. ProtoMan has access to said tricks, though there is a trade-off. While ProtoMan can use a charge-up buster, slide, and a shield in mid-air he does take extra damage and is knocked-back further when damaged. Bass looks to provide something unique to the 8-bit MegaMan games: 7-directional shooting. Bass’s buster cannot charge up and is supposedly weaker, but he can dash forward and combine with his robot dog, Treble, to form a stronger, flying Bass.

There isn’t much else to say about the game. I have one complaint: on the Wii version you can use the Wii Remote, but the buttons A and B cycle through the weapons you have. This sounds useful, but the B button on a Wii Remote tends to get in the way sometimes. I found myself accidentally changing weapons in the middle of a fight and losing because I shot Thunder Wool when I needed to shoot the Wheel Cutter. It’s my only complaint, though. It’s $10 for a good sized game, many extra modes and features, and contains some of the best game music, graphics, and gameplay you’ll get all year. With all the challenges, time-attack stages, extra characters, and extra difficulties, you’re really getting a lot of game for a mere $10. There is even one special part of the game where you may see a familiar boss or two if you’ve played through past MegaMan games. You must get this if you’ve ever enjoyed MegaMan. Just watch out for BladeMan. He’s a real asshole.

Part Two of a Four-Part Series

Anime girls in short skirts go around prattling about love and justice. Lesbians are really just cousins. Winged horses are perfectly fine candidates for soul mates. This is the world of Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon. In America the show is known by its English dub, one that toned the show down considerably to aim it at children, or in other words completely butchered the original work and destroyed any credibility it may have had in the states. I was one of those target children, so why has it taken me this long to come to like the series? It’s been history in Japan for thirteen years, and ten or nine in America. The answer is that much like my good friend RabbitSnore, I was too ashamed to admit that I was somehow intrigued by it. However many years later when two of my favorite online associates Thereisnospoon303 and Dillrod90 made watching Sailor Moon a public event, I wanted to take part, partially because I value their opinions, but more honestly because I had definitely reached a point where I thought attractive anime girls might not be such a bad thing. I was ready for Sailor Moon. I had no idea what I was signing up for, and it ended up being a complete surprise. Now, having seen all two hundred episodes of all five seasons and two of the three movies, I can say I have gotten myself quite deep into the franchise. I know what the Japanese names of all the girls mean, I can recite the lyrics of countless opening and ending themes by heart, and can draw the characters without missing a detail. There are a lot of reasons for a person like me to like Sailor Moon, but should something like this be obvious from the offset? I am in no way the target audience, being male, American at that, and supposedly too old to fall for sappy love stories, so this shouldn’t be for me, am I right? What is it about this series that could make it so likable? What gives it this undeniable charm?

For me this series turned out to be a great find. It’s a perfect example of how anime was produced in the 1990’s – featuring beautiful backgrounds, lots of scenes involving school and ordinary everyday life and not to mention funky Jpop music mixed in with a beautiful orchestral score. It was tons of fun to see the enigmatic Tuxedo Kamen throw roses at giant tennis ball monsters and for Sailor Moon to defeat enemies with attacks such as “Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss.” This kind of silliness is not for everyone however, and there’s plenty of skepticism to be had for a series that sells its characters on the fact that they show a lot of leg, but it was not too difficult for me to look past that to get a clearer vision of what it’s really about.

My friends Thereisnospoon303, RabbitSnore and Dillrod90 probably view the series from the point of view of the reserved and mature college boyfriend, Chiba Mamoru. As a high school student I didn’t quite see it from that perspective, instead I see the plot from the point of view of the five girls. I can identify with them in a certain way; if it’s goofing off one day then being serious about studies the next, believe it or not these girls cover a lot of the same ground that I do. The character I feel I connect to most is Rei, serious, jiving, and highly supportive of the naïve and childish Usagi. Underneath the Shrine Maiden that greets people at the Hikawa Shrine, there is a young woman that harbors deep feelings of determination to fulfill her aspirations, having an “international life of success.” Rei’s character is written in such a way that tells me that it’s fine to dream big, and the more open and determined one is the greater their likelihood to achieve their goals.

Points such as these are scattered all throughout the series, there to encourage young viewers as they grew up with the characters. I’m required to think about adolescent issues daily, and I deeply appreciate being able to bring my own life to the characters of this campy show. They all live in a bright world where adolescence is happy and innocent, and evil is repelled with the power of love and friendship. It isn’t accurate, but it is inspirational. I’ll take this over watching Michael Cera get wasted in SuperBad any day. It can be disappointing to see many types of questionable behavior advertised in entertainment to the teenage audience, so it is refreshing to see something so far on the other end of the spectrum for once. The world is by no means as peaceful or optimistic as Usagi-chan would make it out to be, but hell I believe in a world where one can go for their dreams, and maybe even have a miracle romance. It may be sappy; it may be unrealistic, but it’s sweet, and it’s something I can appreciate. It has proven to me that shoujo anime is not something that should simply be written off as substandard kiddy fare, and that it can in fact communicate important messages. There is much to say for how the writers decide to bring in these themes, and they rarely have anything to do with the skirts.

So what is the purpose of tackling a project as large as watching 200 episodes? It is to be entertained, to learn something new, and perhaps to achieve an unexpected result, such as learning something about yourself. If one looks hard enough they can discover a lot in this series, and whether it’s to like it for its lighthearted and silly scenes or its more reflective and dark ones is entirely the preference of the viewer. I’m sure to most the fanbase seems onerous or averting as is often the case with anime fans, but it is important to remember that different people enjoy things for different reasons. I like Sailor Moon because it showed me an optimistic and enticing fantasy world that hits close to home, and perhaps it even gave me a better idea of how my miracle romance may turn out some day, all in the format of a campy action and romance ‘90s cartoon. Others may like it for simply the skirts alone, or for the bizarre humor. Whatever reason one may have, there’s plenty to find and appreciate in this quirky yet strangely alluring tale.

That’s what Sailor Moon says.

About a week ago, on January 29, I rushed back from class to my apartment in New York City. Wasting no time, I grabbed the bags I packed the night before and hopped on the closest bus, riding it to the house of Thereisnospoon303 (TINS), where he and my brother Black_Puffin were waiting. In a few minutes, we drove off to La Guardia Airport, and shortly thereafter, we were on a flight to Columbus, Ohio. After several months of planning, we were finally en route to Ohayocon, the first anime convention we had ever attended – but this was so ordinary anime convention: We were traveling across several states, spending hundreds of dollars, and taking the risk of being caught by security with all those drugs hidden in my rectum, for the purpose of meeting six other members of the Forum.

TINS and I have administrated YouChew for approximately two years. If you were to have told me, as we began the transfer of administrative power from Conrad Slater to us, in two years, that as a direct result of maintaining the forum, I would find myself in Columbus, Ohio to meet people I had up till then only known online, I would have looked at you incredulously and asked you if your brain was running on Lussumo Vanilla, that software that kept crashing every time I tried to install it on the new server. But it seems I am frequently surprised these days. Our finding our way to Ohayocon was an unexpected result of being the administrator of YouChew, but it was certainly a welcome surprise.

The night we arrived, the three of us took a cab to the convention center, and for the first time face-to-face, we met Dillrod90, who was primarily and most directly responsible for the planning and organization of this gathering, and RedLuigi, a user with whom I’d frankly not had much contact at all. The following day, we met with Ruthie, Deepercutt, NoTAMATZ, and TheSfarioBros. All of us hit it off with relative ease. It was, as Dillrod so aptly put it, “like meeting old friends for the first time.”

Later, I asked RedLuigi what he had thought the convention and meeting others from the forum would be like:

“I honestly didn’t know what to expect. I had no idea what any of the members would be like in real life. ‘Are they all gonna be massive douche bags? Are they gonna be huge nerds with no life? Are the more popular members going to disapprove of me, etc?’ Things like that. And I’m very glad to say that [everyone was] very nice and very…

As for the con itself, …it was pretty much what I expected. Full grown men playing dress-up and being kawaii.”

Thanks largely to the preparatory efforts of Dillrod and thanks to our mutual ability to get along, the meeting was a striking, if surprising, success. Indeed, some of us had less than optimistic expectations for the potential gathering of forum members. “I thought the meet up would be a horrible failure,” TheSfarioBros told me. “Ohayocon is held in a very large building, making it difficult to coordinate groups of people. I expected people to be lost, confused, and frustrated most of the time. I also feared that, if we even found each other in the first place, that people would divide themselves up into groups and go do their own thing without really talking to or getting to know any of the members that were present. All of these pessimistic preconceptions were dashed when everyone eventually got together and we ended up having a great time.”

NoTAMATZ echoes this incredulity as he told me, “I guess I was slightly worried that we would all be too socially awkward to carry on a good conversation but I was wrong. I admit that in the first hour or so, it was a little awkward for myself but after a while, I had no problem with being relaxed. You bros were good like that.”

It surprised me as well that we were so readily able to connect with each other and laugh at most of the same things, but I suppose it stands to reason given our shared humor on the forum. All the same, it was a pleasant discovery that it did not take long for us to relax around us, and any awkwardness dissolved quickly, allowing us to get to know each other better. “[Deepercutt] sucks at frisbee but is awesome for getting me that retro Amy plushie,” said Ruthie when I asked her what she thought of those she met at the con. “I’d also like to add that TINS is quite the handsome man.”

We all spent a good amount of time attending events around the convention, enjoying each other’s company and conversation, and engaging in general merriment. We reveled in the antics of TINS infiltrating a Sailor Moon cosplay photoshoot, dressed as TF2’s BLU Spy, disguised as Ami Mizuno. As Ruthie remarked, the episode “was just sheer brilliance.” Best of all, there is copious photographic evidence to prove it.

Just as planned, we gathered at Buca di Beppo near the convention center on Saturday night for a group dinner. The forum’s group was in full attendance there, as we ate damn good Italian food, made wisecracks about the restaurant’s décor, laughed hard, and shared some of the most memorable experiences of the trip. As per request, our waitress brought out a cake, decorated to order with the words, “NO YOU FABRIC,” written across it in what I can only describe as the most putridly radioactive green I have ever seen in my adult life.

To cap off the evening, we retreated to Dillrod’s hotel room, where we unsuccessfully attempted to hook up a DVD player to the television in the room. After some consternation over the failure to play Attack of the Clones, we decided to search through the in-room movies available for order, hoping to find a film sufficiently horrendous to watch and riff. Finally, we settled on X-Men Origins: Wolverine, through which a great deal of jokes were born regarding Hugh Jackman and his sweaty body. Taking cracks at the film was one of my fondest memories of the trip; we were all relaxed and able to enjoy ourselves as a group of friends. RedLuigi perhaps said it the most succinctly: “…[D]espite some of the differences we all may have, we can all still join together and tear the holy fuck out of a bad movie.”

By the following evening, we had all gone our separate directions, back home, bidding each other farewell and, “See you on the forum.” “Honestly the hardest part of that entire meetup was leaving,” said TheSfarioBros, “as corny as that may sound.” And I must agree with him. After spending a great weekend with great people, going back to New York was the sorriest part of the trip. As TINS, Puffin, and I took up our bags from the convention center and we began making our way to the airport, the radio came alive in the taxi, playing Cyndi Lauper’s Time After Time. “It has to be a sad song that plays as we’re leaving,” remarked TINS, “doesn’t it?” Indeed, TINS. It must be a sad song from the mid ‘80s. It must. That’s just the way these things work.

Let the success of nine people from an online forum meeting at a convention full of teenaged girls and grown men dressing in sailor fukus be an evidence that the there is no space between people that cannot be bridged with the proper application of airfare and Italian restaurant reservations. The sentimentalist in me feels that this trip was something special; something that brought the YouChew community closer together; something tangible that demonstrates that we are not dissociated, disembodied, and inscrutable creatures at a distance, but real, knowable people –- as Dillrod called us, old friends who have, most of us, never met.

Article by RabbitSnore.

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Great sorrow lies in me, O Youchew, as I reflect upon my absence from you during the coldest and darkest month of December. No report came, no call to glory; nay, nothing came to soothe your sorry spirits so sore, and for this I apologize vehemently. But were the truth be told, and it will, for I have never spoken a falsehood to you, Youchew my love, it was not by malignant choice, nor by free will perverted that I dared not do my sacred duty towards this pillar of the internet most-revered. No indeed, I was beset by the greatest of maladies that left me in a daze all of December. For I had watched a plethora of Dr. Rabbit poops, and in doing so, caught a terrible case of AIDS that no amount of potato chips or Octorok cock could drive off. So I lay bedridden, listless, and useless.

However, I come to you now, a wiser, though perhaps not stronger, man, who nonetheless sees the task before him.
To compensate for my gross negligence, I will present not one, not two, but rather, three youtube poops that were worthy of mention for the new year, a glorious new year in the history of poopdom. For as the sun doth rise again after the night, fellow Patriots, so do I rise again waving the banner of freedom from oppression, perseverance in difficulty, and toast for dinner.

The Legend of UYAHH vol.3 by RetardedAnimeParody, alias YuiHirasawa

The distinguished patriot RetardedAnimeParody has been known by many names in the course of Youchew’s history. I remember RAPeX earliest as ThisAccountIsClosed, through the Chewiki, and later, as RetardedAnimeParody, ReallyAwesomeParody, and myriad other names, not counting his latest. But whatever he has deigned to call himself, I know I can count on the lover of all things Japanese, perverted, and pervertedly Japanese to provide us with a level of quality and commitment that is rarely seen amongst patriots in this day and age. Young Youchewers can learn much from a man who has had his accounts suspended manifold times because of his hentai traps, only to surface anew with more and better videos (though alas, the lost work of his earlier years will always be missed). This video clearly shows the lovable spark that made RAPeX so entertaining to begin with (aside from the lack of hentai).

This poop begins, as with most of the classic Power Rangers poops with Rita Repulsa being her usual crazy self. The manipulations only continue from there, as the video gains a very meta Anti-Poop field with most of the dialogue removed from the Power Rangers, leaving them to existentially blurt out UYAHHHH constantly. One then realizes that these grunts and screams are about the majority of the dialogue of Power Rangers, and RAPeX has not really taken anything away by removing most of the dialogue. This makes the video more humorous for my tastes, on top of the already improbable fight scenes and ridiculously lack-luster monsters that the series is known for. When the ‘giant colonial rats’ appear, you’ll know that YuiHirasawa still has an eye for the ridiculous, and will be wishing, like the moronic Darth Sidious pumpkin-head demon thing, that he’ll continue on, doing ‘exactly what [we] want him to do!’

Mr. T Experiments with Magic Mushrooms by Yakkers171717

Somewhat of a newcomer to the youtube poop community, this video shows that young master Yakkers is in possession of great promise, and hopefully due to this mentioning, some much deserved notoriety in the circles and echelons of connoisseurs of poopdom.
For a man like Mr. T., with his easily lampoonable nature and comedic pop-cultural value, I, fellow Patriots, am duly surprised that in truth I honestly don’t find many youtube poops starring the famous mohawk-machine. Perhaps it may be that I do not look hard enough, but in any event, laudable videos starring such an easy target are made even more praise-worthy because even by using recognizable sources, the youtube pooper manages to make something fresh and enjoyable. And I hardly could think of a more worthy example in January than this video Yakkers has made.

A classic youtube poop in feel, execution, and layout, the video follows the bungling Mr. T. desperately trying to hold back the lunacy of the infomercial he is trapped in, the lunacy brought about by clever sentence mixing and painstakingly funny reaction shots and pacing. When the adjectives used to describe a big, fat, juicy steak are instead used to describe an altogether different part of the Mr. T anatomy, I knew I had found something worth showing to you, Youchew. It will bring you back to a simpler time, when people strove not for forced creativity, or warred needlessly over stylistic preferences, but instead found simple pleasure in making a popular character say childish swear words.
A pleasure that is still to be relished in our time, Youchewsters.

Japanese Teachers are Easily Impressed by DaftpunkYoshi

Daftpunk is known for a style that relies often on heavy editing to get the point across, leading to what some would call a self-appointing title of “Windows Movie Master”, for having his editor of choice be the long-bastion of great AIDS and great lulz, the indomitable WMM. This heavy editing is in full force here, as we watch the highly non-sequential overtures of a Japanese teacher eerily concerned with the goings-on of a young Japanese boy. With this and the video by RAPeX, I will let the reader come to his or her own conclusions about the Japanese people.

I say non-sequential because in this video, it is not like the Mr. T poop, which tells a story through the course of a heavily warped infomercial. Here, one singular commercial is taken and broken up into tiny bits, rearranged, and edited mercilessly ad infinitum. Some criticize this type of approach to making youtube poops, while others praise it above all others. However, for whatever your view on the this great glorious shit medium, one cannot help be entertained by the constant jarring juxtapositions of the no-doubt pedophiliac school teacher, the views of the game boy color game itself, and the young boy oblivious to the chaos surrounding him. This great mess is a cacophony of caca, and one I think worthy not only of the alternative crowd of Chewsters, who proclaim that only through over-editing is their true poop, and the more traditional Chewfags, who insist on clever placement and pacing. A Poop for All Seasons, Youchew.

That is all I have the strength to report to you this time, fellow patriots. But do not let my singular illness stop you from enjoying these poops and many more at your own leisure. For in the hallowed walls of the Showroom, one always finds the truest remedies to all of life’s ills, whether that remedy be Dinner, Your Face, or even Dodongo Dong (all of which I assure you are very effective).

 Article written by Guysafari and minorly edited by RabbitSnore. No witty remark today.

“Big Beat Mario” is a YTPMV made by the rather well-known youtube pooper, Triple_sSs (Aka Skyguy16). It uses Hotel Mario and a little of the actual Hotel Mario Gameplay. As for audio, it uses the audio from the two said sources. It’s a YTPMV made completely of the Hotel Mario CD-i Cutscenes and gameplay. I know I complain about overused sources, songs, etc., but this is an exception. It’s actually one of the best YTPMV’s I have ever had the pleasure of both listening to and watching. The visuals were great (despite the lack of effects, the way that Triple_sSs uses the crop effect makes up for it.) There are actually parts where seven different clips are on the screen all at once *screenshot below*, the beat is extremely catchy, everything syncs up, it’s very rhythmic, and as I listen to it while I make this review, I notice that it has a very nice bass line.

This is extremely rare, but I cannot find any downsides to this YTPMV. Its just an overall wonderful experience to watch and listen to. I recommend it to, well, everybody. Its that good. I suppose if I were to try my hardest to pick a possible downside, I would have to say the length. Its over six minutes long. It also seems to fade into different melodies and beats. I think that Triple_sSs should split it up into three parts, put the three parts for download, and put the links in the video description and list it as a divided version. The length is barely even a peeve though. The divided version would merely be a bonus. As I said before, this is perfect. It’s especially shocking because, quite honestly, when I first clicked the link to the video, I said to myself “What is this? another *overused song* Hotel Mario YTPMV?” Needless to say, I was surprised. My jaw actually dropped I was so impressed with this.

I know this review seems rather short, but the YTPMV is flat-out excellent. I can’t even recommend any ways to make it better! All I have to say is, Thank you Triple_sSs for the absolutely, positively, wonderful, stupendous, excellent, awe-inspiring, jaw-dropping, original, remarkable, astonishing masterpiece that you refer to as “Big Beat Mario”.

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